Struggling with wedding pressure? Discover the liberating truth that your wedding day doesn’t have to be the best ever. Here’s a heartfelt pep talk on letting go of perfection and creating a celebration that’s true to your values.
Letting go of wedding pressure
It might be a controversial opinion but your wedding doesn’t have to be the best wedding ever. It doesn’t have to be the most memorable day your guests ever have. It doesn’t have to blow all the others out the water.
I’m not saying this to nag you to stop talking about your wedding planning AT ALL. Quite the opposite. As a super passionate wedding celebrant, I’m the first one you should call to chat about all the exquisite little details that you’re excited about.
What I’m not here for though is anything that makes you feel anxious or keeps you up at night. In my experience trying to plan “the best wedding ever” is a BIG source of unnecessary stress for lots of couples.
Weddings and the pressure to compete
This blog post is your permission slip to let go of the pressure you might have been under since you and your beloved decided to tie the knot.
You know that pressure I’m talking about? The pressure to compete with all your friends who have got married, or are due to get married soon? The pressure to host the world’s greatest, most exceptional, utterly unique wedding?
That’s the pressure of comparison. You might be comparing your wedding to every wedding that has come before and trying to make yours completely different. You might even be comparing your wedding to all the wedding content on the internet (much of which is staged for creative purposes by the way.)
There is some truth to the saying about comparison being the thief of joy.
So let’s agree now that getting married isn’t a competition. And while we’re at it, promise me that you’ll stop comparing your celebration to anyone else’s yeah?
Let’s stop competing to have the best wedding ever
At this point you might be reading along and wondering furiously, “What’s wrong with competing to have the best wedding ever, Meg?”
In which case, I say “Thank goodness there are all different types of people in the world. We’re all free to have our own opinions. It’s not my bag to try and change your mind if you don’t agree.”
But if you’re interested in where I’m coming from, in my opinion competition in wedding planning is bad because:
It piles pressure on the couple getting married. They ought to be allowed to feel great, because they’re doing something super generous by throwing a party for all their loved ones
Budget pressure. If I were getting on my soapbox I’d say that competition is a capitalist tool to sell you more stuff whether you want it or not
Sometimes focussing on being the best can encourage us to see the worst. If we’re comparing ourselves (and our weddings) to others (and their weddings) we are likely to mentally highlight what is bad. We’ll either aim that negative feelings inwards, or towards people who frankly don’t deserve our judgement
Put simply, competition and comparison give me the ick, especially in the context of weddings.
How to avoid wedding pressure
Here’s the pep talk bit.
The thing is my lovely, you are unique. Your relationship is not the same as anyone else’s. The two of you have an entire complex (probably) beautifully messy history, and – even better – a whole future together. Your wedding is a day, in amongst a lifetime of days.
Of course it’s an important day, it’s an incredible milestone and it’s totally natural to want to create a special event for your guests. But, listen up this is the crucial bit, your wedding is an act of love and you are a hero for giving the gift of this experience to your chosen people!
Your guests are so fortunate to know you and to be invited to share in your good news. The chances are that they love you. They would therefore hate the idea of you getting stressed and anxious, all for the sake of laying on the perfect party for them.
So please, if you can, remember that you are incredible. If nothing else happens at your wedding, people are going to get to be in your orbit, soaking up the joy that you and your beau share. And that’s a gift.
A wedding that’s true to your values
An alternative way of approaching wedding decisions is to consider what aligns with your values. Chat this through with your significant other so you know what values are key for you both.
Need some examples of values which might be important to you when wedding planning? No problem:
Sustainability
Spending locally
Accessibility
Individuality
Family
Authenticity
Not all of these ideas will resonate with you, and there are lots of other things you might value more. But once you have a clearer idea of YOUR values, making decisions about what to book, buy and organise for your wedding will be become easier.
You can redefine what weddings look like altogether, or keep it simple, there are no rules! As long as this process encourages you not to pile on tonnes of stress and unrealistic expectations of perfection, I’ll be extremely happy for you.
Photo credit: Mark Bamforth Photo and Film. The images on this page are of Jen and Joe's celebrant wedding at Ponden Mill Weddings in Keighley, which is one of my favourite venues in Yorkshire! Joe and Jen's wedding was such a laugh and had the best party atmosphere from the very start.
Before you go…
A bit about the author Meg Senior, wedding celebrant.
As a wedding celebrant I have the great pleasure of marrying incredible humans to their favourite people. My whole vibe is about creating life affirming experiences for nearlyweds; and celebrating individuality and authenticity above all else.
My mission is to help people express themselves fully, and deeply connect with their loved ones during life’s milestone moments. If you want a little piece of this, contact me to chat about booking me as your wedding celebrant!
For inspiration on how to bring some fun into your ceremony, and to learn more about my out-of-this-world humanist ceremonies follow me on social @megseniorceremonies and check out my other blog posts.